Random · 16 January 2017

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Oh my god, how could I not see this coming? My lust, *sob* my greed! I deserve thiiiiii- (Rick cures him) Ladies, let’s get out of here. I haven’t learned a thiiiiiing! Are these pills supposed to wake me up or something?

Oh no. I’m late to class, bitch. Wha, me irresponsible ?! All I wanted you to do was to hand me a screwdriver, Morty!

I wish that shotgun was my penis. Nobody’s killing me until after I catch my wife with another man.

Is he keeping his shoulders square? Oooooooh he’s tryin’! They’re robots Morty! It’s okay to shoot them! They’re just robots!

Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science. And there’s no evidence that a Latino student did it.

What is this, 90’s Conan? Then let me GET to know you!

I don’t think we can perform our new song, The Recipe For Concentrated Dark Matter for a crowd this tiny! God, Grandpa, you’re such a dick.

I’ll tell you how I feel about school, Jerry. It’s a waste of time. Bunch of people runnin’ around bumpin’ into each other, got a guy up front says, ‘2 + 2,’ and the people in the back say, ‘4.’ Then the bell rings and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or somethin’. I mean, it’s not a place for smart people, Jerry. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but that’s my two cents on the issue. God, Grandpa, you’re such a dick.

It’s a dream, Morty! We’re in your dog’s dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we-we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside Snuffles’ dream. This isn’t Game of Thrones, Morty.

I don’t like it here Morty. I can’t abide bureaucracy. I don’t like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt? It’s been six hours. Dreams move one… one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So y’know, every day here is like a minute. It’s like Inception, Morty, so if it’s confusing and stupid, then so is everyone’s favorite movie.

Close. It’s gonna make your kidneys shut down. Allahu blehhhh Akbar!

I’ll be with Reuben in my workshop while you guys are having another day in Phil Collin’s proverbial paradise. No jumping in the sewer!